I leave for a run at 8:20am, planning to make it only about 4 laps knowing the heat and humidity will show me who’s boss in a matter of seconds. Each lap is about 1.25 miles, I think no prob, I run like 8 or 9 miles back home easily, I’m sure I can knock out 5. So I lace up my new kicks getting all excited to exercise my skills. I run ONE lap and am practically keeled over with exhaustion and drowning in my own sweat. I want to crawl. And I need a towel. My sweat is stinging my eyes and I cant see, and my ego is bruised and where is my house?!?! Ok, lock it up Tara, LOCK IT UP. I notice the “running club” is coming up behind me! So I pause, slow my jog (more than willingly) and wait for them to catch up so I can join. Look! I’m being so social!! One of the women in it is Holly, who we had dinner with on monday, so definitely would’ve been awkward if I didn’t wait! They were on their last lap (thank heavens cuz at this point so was I) so I ran with them for like .5 seconds. I have plans to go grocery shopping for the first time with Holly this same morning at 9:30, SO EXCITED to have food in my house in a matter of hours! I finish my run, go to get my key out of my shoe laces and IT IS GONE. You’ve got to be FUCKING kidding me!! I must clearly still be jet lagged and brain farted looping my shoe lace through the little hole at the top of the key like I always always do, so out it went. Panic attack begins. I start retracing my steps and run into Maria (a lovely girl from… somewhere. Can’t keep ’em all straight) she helps me look and we get to her house where I have to call Holly to call her husband to get a hold of Ryan because I don’t know his work extension. whoops. note: Alex (Holly’s husband) is Ryan’s boss’s BOSS. No big deal, I’m totally not bothering him… (of course these are the only people I know so far though. I’m sure it’s kind of a duty of theirs to make new comers feel welcome, hence dinner at their house the night before. Which was delightful btw. I ate like it was my ‘last supper’) So I’ve already started an office uproar–day 3. I don’t have my badge on me (cuz it’s in the locked house and I was just running, so I didn’t need it) which gives you access through the gate and then also to get into the offices, so Ryan has to leave the office to meet me and give me the key. Now, I run my ass straight home, and FAST. I’m being picked up in a matter of minutes to go grocery shopping! I take the fastest shower known to mankind and throw on clothes–I’m still sweating, shower was practically pointless– knowing my ride is going to be here any second. #africatara gets ready in less than 10 min. Including shower. Boom. 2 min w/o shower. So far with the few women I’ve seen make-up is a faux pas. I still do my brows though! Miss you Kristen! And my eyelash extensions are still looking fabulous! Lucia, you’re the best! And my hair rocks in humidity, so that’s easy. #Oribe! Ryan is in heaven with this new found speediness. We haven’t had a single fight since we’ve been here. Don’t know how I feel about that.. it’s making me a bit uncomfortable. Ok, so I get picked up by Holly and her friend, Marge, to go shopping and I need to drop Ryan’s key back off to him so he can go home for lunch. HOWEVER I forget my badge AGAIN (another mother fucking brain fart. WHO remembers having to carry a goddamn badge with them all the time?!) So I have to send Holly up to the office explain where exactly Ryan’s cubicle is and hope that goes successfully. It doesn’t. She gets “disoriented” and her loud ass scottish accent asks for help finding RYAN FISHER. Jennie, who I love but is also loud as fuck, finds her so the 2 of them barricade through the offices gabbing about my “troubles adapting to life in Nigeria”. Awesome. Well I don’t need to explain, but of course on the way back in from our grocery shopping excursion, the same thing had to happen for me to get my house key back. Lord help me. So now EVERYONE in the office thinks I’m a ditz and am “struggling” to adjust to the way things work here. You can imagine how infuriating/hilarous this is to me. I can’t truly be mad though because it IS so ridiculous that its hysterical. Like of course this happens to me! And mind you, word gets around here like WILDFIRE. I’m seriously not exaggerating. When I’m meeting someone for the first time they say “I heard you got short changed on your welcome kit!” Hi, I’m Tara btw, and how did you know that?! I’ve had several people come to my front door now introducing themselves and either having food in their hands for me or asking if there’s anything in specific I need. So kind! People here truly are seeming quite generous. I go to 2 grocery stores and one framing store with Holly and Marge. It is all successful and quite swift actually. It only took 3 hours. I feel special being driven around in an SUV everywhere with a polished black man in a suit calling me Madame. Definitely rockin my stunna shades too. Ha. I took pictures of my receipts, it is SO expensive to buy good/edible food here! I get home just before 2, which is when I told this specific stewardess that came to me looking for work (she was one among MANY) she gets there before I even get to putting my groceries away and I basically just hire her on the spot because 3 different people told me how fabulous she was and I just wanted help now. There are a lot of really good stewards available but I didn’t want to go through the hassle of interviewing 20 people. I’m already too tired for that. She speaks good english, understands me and laughed at my jokes/animated inflection. #loveatfirstsight. She instantly started helping me get settled and unpack my groceries whilst cleaning out my fridge. Showed her my closet (to give her an idea of how much laundering would be needed) and she told me “guurl you need to organize this!” I thought I had. Sigh. But I obviously like her if she thinks MY organizing needs organizing! #hired. Meanwhile, during this whole process with Elizabeth (that’s her name btw) my door bell and phone are ringing off the hook. Women are even sending their drivers over with food and prepared meals to give me. I’m like this pity case. Awesome/embarrassing. I mean, who doesn’t like free shit thrown at them? But still. So THANK GOD I brought those thank you cards that Ryan was giving me sooooo much shit about because I’m like halfway through them and its week one! I haven’t let him get away with that. I was so right on that one and he knows it. I love winning. God bless Elizabeth, my kitchen is now completely organized, all produced washed and put away, then
she leaves. But it’s now 5:15 and I haven’t eaten yet since my 2 bites of oatmeal this morning before my run. DYING. With all my new groceries I am able to whip up a classic Tara Sandwhich. Now, I can finally sit down and be at peace with my favorite food. And fall asleep. #jetlag
somethingsomethingafrica 